Things Never Change

So once again I was a fucking Idiot and saved all my work for the last minute. Here's the story


*One month ago
My Boss: Hey Greg do this documentation, you can probably do a little at a time, and just have it done for the end of October

Me: Sure thing Lesbo

*4 Hours ago

Me: HOLY FUCK, I still havent done that documentation you piece of shit.

*Turns on Debate
*Masterbates

Furiously pumps out documentation

*1 Minute ago

Now that I'm almost done and the sense of urgency is gone, I can procrastinate the end of this work by blogging and waste another 20 minutes.

I'm going to be so fucking tired tomorrow BRO. WHOOOOOOOOPPPPP


Hey Todd.............................................................. FAG

The Real World

Seriously how much of a kick in the nuts is the real world. I sat down the other day after work all lonely and shit and the only thing left to do was jerk off. OK OK so some things are similar... but still, no one was yelling "MICHAEL SLAFSKY" the whole time I was doing it, so it wasn't the same. Oh wait, that was just me huh, damnit. Fuck, well there is still plenty of other things.

1) When am I going to show my parents my townhouse for the first time while my roomate is simultaneously jerking off, and then proceeds to shake my dads hand without washing his hands. 

2) When will I be able to throw eggs over the house into the driveway infront. (I threw eggs the other day, but it was boring because I had to make sure I didnt hit cars so it was basically throwing them into the woods....... Forget you ever heard that, thats depressing as hell seeing it in writing.) 

3) When can I call someone a homo for no reason. I cant go up to my co-worker and be like, 

"Hey Mike, you do anything interesting last night?"

"No Greg, pretty average night"

"Oh so you sucked a dick like normal huh, Fag"

4) When can I yell random shit whenever the fuck I feel like it just to get a laugh

"Go back to the 90's FAGGOTS"

"Across the field OOOHHHHHHHH"

"WHHOOOOOOPPP"

...Shit just doesn't fly 

Well this lasted a while

....thats what she said

After a good run of no comments and a few thousand views that probably came from me refreshing the site waiting for comments, I am realizing that our blog is the WNBA of professional sports, the Block Buster of movie rentals, and the shake weight of exercise equipment. I mean dont get me wrong we post some good shit on here, just no one ever logs on to see it... Lazy fuckers.

Peace out Fuckers.... im not coming back till we get our first comment....

7th innning stretch

Slammin Tammy Sammy Sosa Nelson. I guess that little hermaphrodite Lady Gaga just found her mother.

Dance Party

This guy is THE FUCKING MAN. Yes I laughed, I laughed hard, but no I will not make fun him. He represents everything we believe in here @ Blog370. The ability to enjoy yourself and laugh about it and not care who else may be laughing at you or with you. Sean Stevenson! Sean Stevenson! Sean Stevenson!

Popcorn? Cockporn?

Im pretty sure these two popcorn kernels are guys, in which case this commercial is extremely gay. Pop Secret had me with the Caddyshack and Dark Knight commercials because both of those movies are friggen awesome. But you gotta know when enough is enough, quit while your ahead. When did PopSecret come out of the closet? I would rather buy popcorn from Orville Redenbacher's pedophile/Pee-Wee Herman looking ass then from a couple of queer popcorn kernels. PopSecret you no longer have my support.

Seattle Steppin it Up

(AP)  SEATTLE (AP) - Something new is on the menu at a renovated Starbucks in Seattle: beer and wine.
The store that reopened Monday is the first under the Starbucks brand to offer alcohol.
Craft beer and local wines go on sale after 4 p.m. The idea is to offer drinks and a wider variety of savory food that will attract customers after the morning espresso rush.

---Read the rest of this entry---

Whoever owns Starbucks is a genius. They certainly know the way to the heart of Americans, through coffee and through alcohol. They also know everyone in Seattle hates themselves and wants to drink they're lives away. Nothing like waking up everyday to rain and cloudy skies. Then looking forward to some of their fantastic professional sports teams. When you think pro sports you think the big 4: football, basketball, baseball, and hockey. Well in Seattle they dont have an NHL team and their NBA team moved out faster than a 13 year old boy pre-cums during his first handjob. Hey look on the bright side at least they have WNBA and Major League Soccer teams...HAHAHA.

Seattle still a few lightyears behind New Orleans with their SuperBowl ring and drive thru-daiquiris.

Macklemore!

Macklemore the HipHop/Rapper reppin Seattle, Washinton. Not alot of exposure yet, but expect some big things from him in the future.

Case of the Mondays

Well it's 11 pm, and I havn't started any work...All I have acomplished was apllying for two tax internships that I won't even land an interview for. If comercial airline pilots have a hard time landing interviews, they should look for a job in the Hudson Bay or that IRS building that was crashed into by some crazy chode that did not want to pay taxes. Cheap prick...we need to bailout the airlines with your tax money.

Well enough about politicocks. Big news. You may not know this, but I'm pretty fucking cool. I'm a certified DJ that tested postive for G.A.M.E. (and HIV/aids). Tune in at http://www.wjmf887.com/ to listen to my show 'Case of the Mondays' and win some FREE TICKETS to a concert in Pawtucket! Call-in 401-232-6150!!!!! Check out the Bands! October 19th doors 8pm

again http://www.wjmf887.com/ 10-noon Monday baby.

Condoms Strike Again

Vt. Lawsuit Claiming Condom In Whopper Is Dropped

(AP) MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) - A former Vermont man who claimed he bit into a Burger King sandwich and found an unwrapped condom has dropped his lawsuit, with the restaurant agreeing to drop its counterclaim.

The man and the store's owners agreed to pay their own legal costs.

The plaintiff's attorney, Devin McLaughlin, said Friday that the details of the settlement are confidential and won't be disclosed, but the owner-operator of the Rutland restaurant says forensic analysis of the object and surveillance video prove it didn't originate in the Burger King.

Read the rest HERE

I mean, it seems pretty obvious to me that this kid was jerking off with a condom and his mom walked in. So like any other guy he looked for the first place to get rid of it before she noticed. Then he had to follow through with the whole "condom in the Burger" deal so she wouldn't find out. I mean, if he didnt go all the way and press charges, she would have known he was lying. So you kind of have to side with him on this one. Could have been much worse....(Skip to 2:40)

T.P Tosser Arrested

FRAMINGHAM —

A Framingham man threw a roll of toilet paper at a town custodian Wednesday because he thought he was inappropriately whistling in a restroom at the Memorial Building, police said.
Allen Kerner, 55, will be summoned to Framingham District Court for hitting the janitor in the head with the roll, police spokesman Lt. Ron Brandolini said.

---Read the rest of this entry---

This guy minding his own business decides hey I need to use the bathroom. Heads to the little boys room to take a dump and ends up in deep shit. Yup assault and battery with toilet paper, I betcha didn't see that coming...BOOM!  This janitor shoulda read his scouting report. You cant just heckle any shitter you want. He messed with the wrong hombre today, this guy had heard enough and chucked a roll of toilet paper at him...BOOM...Head shot! What a pussy janitor learn how to take a hit, isn't that in your job description. Last time I checked toilet paper was soft, but hey nobody asked for my opinion.

I can promise you one thing, this would not happen on Christopher Walkin's time that's for damn sure. Step your game up Mr. Anonymous Custodian.



Typical day in the life of a MASShole.

Make Room on the Shelf

Uncle Abe's foot injury has been upgraded from the 15-day DL to a season ending injury. And 'A Couple of Flags' will wave down the regular season, and fly into the post-season without 14.3% of their offense and 14.3% of their defense.

Lookin on the bright side of things, they fit me with an absolute pussy magnet of a boot that makes me look like Napoleon Fuckin Dynamite!

Uncle Abe 15 Day-DL

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) - A surgeon and other staff have been suspended and public health officials have launched an investigation after a piece of a surgical drill bit was left inside a patient's head following a procedure at Rhode Island Hospital.
"The hospital was fined $50,000 after brain surgeons operated on the wrong part of the heads of three patients in 2007."

---Read the rest of this entry---

So I basically break my foot in half playing flag football today, and this is exactly the article I want to see as I get ready to head to Rhode Island hospital. They sure know how to take care of their patients. To make a long story short our team is dominant. We played down a man pretty much the whole game and still pulled out the victory against 'El Nino'.

A Couple of Flags >  El Nino

- PS- Wake me up when the playoffs start

The Porn Industry is Getting Fucked

Porn studios halt production in wake of actor's positive HIV test

By Shaya Tayefe Mohajer, Associated Press Writer

LOS ANGELES — More than half a dozen pornographers in California's multibillion-dollar adult entertainment industry have halted production after an actor tested positive for HIV — and more shutdowns were expected.

Vivid Entertainment Group and Wicked Pictures were among the companies that announced production halts as a precaution.

"From Vivid's perspective, there was no question that when we heard this, we immediately shut down production and said let's get the facts and evaluate them before we move forward," Steven Hirsch, the founder of Vivid, one of the largest makers of adult films, said Wednesday.

Read the rest HERE

What a bunch of PUSSIES. One person gets a little sick and now every man in the world has to jerk it to the same old shit for a month. Besides how are you supposed to jerk it now knowing that the girl your watching could be getting HIV right then? You cant unless your a Sick Bastard!

P.S. Check out the last line. "Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt andGirls Gone Wild chief executive Joe Francis called for a $5 billion federal bailout. They said adult DVD sales and rentals decreased 22%." HAHAH

Like they have to be joking right. They actually think the recession caused porn sales to drop. Hey Flynt, get the dick out of your mouth and type "Porn" into google. Just a thought but maybe your sales dropped because only idiots pay for porn now.

P.S.S.

Here is a Quick and Easy Aids test, (Skip to 1:55).... (Or not becuase Mitch Hedberg is Fucking Hilarious)

Right Here

Where in the World is Carmen "Coach Dick" Sandiego?

1. I havent seen Coach Dick in probably the last 48 hours.
2. The last time I saw him he was swimming and he had these same exact goggles on.
3. Weirdly enough he lived in Florida for a few years in a town they call Melbourne.

If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Glue the rest of pieces together if you want, but this case is closed tighter than Heidi Montag's relationship with her plastic surgeon.

Would You Rather...

Would you rather give up getting blowjobs for the rest of your life, or give up eating cheese for the rest of your life?

• Give up blowjobs
• Give up cheese

View Results
Create a Blog Poll

Damn Bus Driver Drives like an Animal

A Ottertail Minn-Dakota Coaches school bus missed a curve and went off Big Chief Road around 4:30 p.m. on Monday, nearly hitting a tree and a house. There were no injuries. The only two people remaining on the bus were bus driver Sharon Carr and 10-year-old Cleveland Elementary student Andrew Rasmusson.

---Read the rest of this entry---

Really no need to read this whole article, just picking out a few key quotes, the story practically writes itself. For the 2nd time this week Ottertail County in Minnesota finds themselves on Blog370 = not good. Residents of Ottertail County get out while you can cause "they rapin everybody" this town is going to shit. And who the hell has a satellite dish in their front yard?

1. "The only two people remaining on the bus were bus driver Sharon Carr and 10-year-old Cleveland Elementary student Andrew Rasmusson."
- Only two people on this whole friggen bus, you know what that means? Yup little Andy is gettin his freak on. Or this kid is the biggest pussy in the whole school. I remember most kids got dropped off at the bus stop in groups and had to walk home. Then there was always that little bitch kid who cant handle the big leagues and needed to get dropped off at the end of his driveway.

2. "After making sure that Andrew was uninjured, Carr sent him home"
- Making sure Andrew was uninjured AKA giving this kid the rim job of a lifetime.

3. “Not even the bus driver comes up to my door to tell me what happened,” said Blumberg
- Believe me Mrs. Blumberg you're better off not knowing what happened.

4. “The bus company was really nonchalant about it and really blew it off,” said Kimberly.
- Hahahaha Oh Kimberly that is not the only thing getting blown off here.

5. Clark said it appeared that Carr “just misjudged at the corner” of the roadway.
- Misjudged the corner, you fuckin think?

6. Andrew was reading a book and sitting toward the front of the bus when the bus went off the road.
- Maybe in the Leave it to Beaver era kids would read books on the bus and get a head start on the homework. But this is 2010 pal, the bus is an absolute jungle. Kids fighting, gambling, fucking, smoking, it looks like a free Wiz Khalifa concert in Boston.

This is Weediculous

Single farmers in Vermont give 'weed dating' a whack

By Melissa Pasanen and Adam Silverman, USA TODAY

TUNBRIDGE, Vt. — Ben Wolfe was a little nervous, he admitted, as he stood waiting one recent afternoon at Tunbridge Hill Farm in central Vermont.

His apprehension had nothing to do with farming, and everything to do with meeting someone new. He was about to participate in an event called weed dating, a meet-up for single farmers looking for a date or a mate.

Weed dating is a variation on speed dating, in which participants meet in pairs for a few minutes, typically in a bar or restaurant, and then move on to another rapid pairing. It was the brainchild of Jean and Wendy Palthey, who have farmed in Tunbridge for 18 years.

"We have this one young guy who works for us," Jean Palthey says, "and he's single and lives in Chelsea, and we were joking that there are not a lot of young, single people around here, so we came up with this idea."

Much weeding but no weddings yet

Weed dating takes place on farms among rows of sprouting produce. Participants weed a row with a potential romantic interest, then move on to another row and another partner. At the end of the day, some people might have cultivated a mutual interest — and no matter, the field is freshly weeded.

Weed the rest Here http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2010-10-04-weeddating04_ST_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip

By the sounds of it, the only thing he will be whacking at is himself after this date. Besides everyone knows weeding is womens work, so I cant really see this working at all. Even if it did its still not anything like speed dating. You cant just set an alarm on your phone and say you have a family emergency to get out of it. I mean, your weed dating, theres no way in hell you have any family or friends at that point. You could get stuck there for an hour with some bitch talking about how she has sex with horses or something. I mean jesus, you cant even lie about where you work and make yourself sound better. Sounds like weed dating is pretty Weetaded...

Parenting 101

The Sebeka police chief might be a little embarrassed after finding police equipment he thought had been stolen from his house in a fort his kids built in the backyard.
Sebeka Police Chief Eric Swenson, who lives in Otter Tail County near Sebeka, called law enforcement on Friday to report that several items of police equipment had been stolen from his home, according to the Otter Tail Sheriff’s Department.

---Read the rest of this entry---

Police Chief calls law enforcement reporting that several items of police equipment were stolen from his house. Only to find them a few days later in his kids homemade fort in the backyard: "Among the items were stun grenades, gas grenades, 25 gas shotgun rounds, loaded magazines for both a Glock 9 millimeter handgun and a AR-15 rifle, a police radio and a pair of night vision goggles."

Well its safe to say that Otter Tail County in Minnesota is fucked. How do you expect this guy to protect every citizen of the county from crime and danger, when he cant even protect his own kid. Its not like he's some run of the mill Paul Blart mall cop either, this guy is the Chief of Fucking Police! The article also fails to mention how old his kid is. Kid has a fort which has gotta make him around 8 or 9 right? I mean unless your my 20 year old grown man/roommate that has a fort. Well either way this kid is a sick bastard, he sounds like the second coming of the Trenchcoat Mafia. You know what they say, "Give a kid an inch, he'll take a mile, a couple grenades, and a shotgun." And America continues to crumble right in front of my very own eyes.

Worst Movie of the Week

Ok Ladies and Gentlemen last week Good Burger was the movie I shat on, but at least it was a good childhood movie. This movie, Jennifer's Body, might just be the worst movie ever created. First of all whoever wrote the dialog for this movie was probably a 50 year old petafile that jerks-off into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before giving them to elementary school children. How do i know this? Here is an example of retarded dialog. At the end of the movie Megan Fox, Jennifer, gets stabbed in the chest and she says "Oh you stabbed my tit," and then just dies. What the FUCK is that? I mean come-on is that really the best line you got.

The only reason i even continued to watch this movie after the first 15 minutes was because of Megan Fox and how she just hooks up with that nerdy blonde girl (who is secretly smokin' hot).

And another thing that pisses me off is this is supposed to be a scary movie. There is nothing scary about one of the hottest fucking girls in the world hooking up with another hot girl. Idk who thought this was supposed to be scary. I think i had a hard-on the whole time I watched this. This movie would have been better off if it was a cheap shitty porn for married men to spank it too because they hate their lives.

Well that's all i have to say. See you cunts next time for the worst movie of the week,
A Nice Lady