Monday, October 25, 2010
Well this lasted a while
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Dance Party
Popcorn? Cockporn?
Monday, October 18, 2010
Seattle Steppin it Up
The store that reopened Monday is the first under the Starbucks brand to offer alcohol.
Craft beer and local wines go on sale after 4 p.m. The idea is to offer drinks and a wider variety of savory food that will attract customers after the morning espresso rush.
Macklemore!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Case of the Mondays
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Condoms Strike Again
(AP) MONTPELIER, Vt. (AP) - A former Vermont man who claimed he bit into a Burger King sandwich and found an unwrapped condom has dropped his lawsuit, with the restaurant agreeing to drop its counterclaim.
The man and the store's owners agreed to pay their own legal costs.
The plaintiff's attorney, Devin McLaughlin, said Friday that the details of the settlement are confidential and won't be disclosed, but the owner-operator of the Rutland restaurant says forensic analysis of the object and surveillance video prove it didn't originate in the Burger King.
Read the rest HERE
I mean, it seems pretty obvious to me that this kid was jerking off with a condom and his mom walked in. So like any other guy he looked for the first place to get rid of it before she noticed. Then he had to follow through with the whole "condom in the Burger" deal so she wouldn't find out. I mean, if he didnt go all the way and press charges, she would have known he was lying. So you kind of have to side with him on this one. Could have been much worse....(Skip to 2:40)
Friday, October 15, 2010
T.P Tosser Arrested
Allen Kerner, 55, will be summoned to Framingham District Court for hitting the janitor in the head with the roll, police spokesman Lt. Ron Brandolini said.
This guy minding his own business decides hey I need to use the bathroom. Heads to the little boys room to take a dump and ends up in deep shit. Yup assault and battery with toilet paper, I betcha didn't see that coming...BOOM! This janitor shoulda read his scouting report. You cant just heckle any shitter you want. He messed with the wrong hombre today, this guy had heard enough and chucked a roll of toilet paper at him...BOOM...Head shot! What a pussy janitor learn how to take a hit, isn't that in your job description. Last time I checked toilet paper was soft, but hey nobody asked for my opinion.
I can promise you one thing, this would not happen on Christopher Walkin's time that's for damn sure. Step your game up Mr. Anonymous Custodian.
Typical day in the life of a MASShole.
Make Room on the Shelf
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Uncle Abe 15 Day-DL
"The hospital was fined $50,000 after brain surgeons operated on the wrong part of the heads of three patients in 2007."
So I basically break my foot in half playing flag football today, and this is exactly the article I want to see as I get ready to head to Rhode Island hospital. They sure know how to take care of their patients. To make a long story short our team is dominant. We played down a man pretty much the whole game and still pulled out the victory against 'El Nino'.
The Porn Industry is Getting Fucked
Porn studios halt production in wake of actor's positive HIV test
By Shaya Tayefe Mohajer, Associated Press Writer
LOS ANGELES — More than half a dozen pornographers in California's multibillion-dollar adult entertainment industry have halted production after an actor tested positive for HIV — and more shutdowns were expected.
Vivid Entertainment Group and Wicked Pictures were among the companies that announced production halts as a precaution.
"From Vivid's perspective, there was no question that when we heard this, we immediately shut down production and said let's get the facts and evaluate them before we move forward," Steven Hirsch, the founder of Vivid, one of the largest makers of adult films, said Wednesday.
Read the rest HERE
What a bunch of PUSSIES. One person gets a little sick and now every man in the world has to jerk it to the same old shit for a month. Besides how are you supposed to jerk it now knowing that the girl your watching could be getting HIV right then? You cant unless your a Sick Bastard!
Where in the World is Carmen "Coach Dick" Sandiego?
1. I havent seen Coach Dick in probably the last 48 hours.
2. The last time I saw him he was swimming and he had these same exact goggles on.
3. Weirdly enough he lived in Florida for a few years in a town they call Melbourne.
If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck. Glue the rest of pieces together if you want, but this case is closed tighter than Heidi Montag's relationship with her plastic surgeon.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Damn Bus Driver Drives like an Animal
A Ottertail Minn-Dakota Coaches school bus missed a curve and went off Big Chief Road around 4:30 p.m. on Monday, nearly hitting a tree and a house. There were no injuries. The only two people remaining on the bus were bus driver Sharon Carr and 10-year-old Cleveland Elementary student Andrew Rasmusson.
Really no need to read this whole article, just picking out a few key quotes, the story practically writes itself. For the 2nd time this week Ottertail County in Minnesota finds themselves on Blog370 = not good. Residents of Ottertail County get out while you can cause "they rapin everybody" this town is going to shit. And who the hell has a satellite dish in their front yard?
1. "The only two people remaining on the bus were bus driver Sharon Carr and 10-year-old Cleveland Elementary student Andrew Rasmusson."
- Only two people on this whole friggen bus, you know what that means? Yup little Andy is gettin his freak on. Or this kid is the biggest pussy in the whole school. I remember most kids got dropped off at the bus stop in groups and had to walk home. Then there was always that little bitch kid who cant handle the big leagues and needed to get dropped off at the end of his driveway.
2. "After making sure that Andrew was uninjured, Carr sent him home"
- Making sure Andrew was uninjured AKA giving this kid the rim job of a lifetime.
3. “Not even the bus driver comes up to my door to tell me what happened,” said Blumberg
- Believe me Mrs. Blumberg you're better off not knowing what happened.
4. “The bus company was really nonchalant about it and really blew it off,” said Kimberly.
- Hahahaha Oh Kimberly that is not the only thing getting blown off here.
5. Clark said it appeared that Carr “just misjudged at the corner” of the roadway.
- Misjudged the corner, you fuckin think?
6. Andrew was reading a book and sitting toward the front of the bus when the bus went off the road.
- Maybe in the Leave it to Beaver era kids would read books on the bus and get a head start on the homework. But this is 2010 pal, the bus is an absolute jungle. Kids fighting, gambling, fucking, smoking, it looks like a free Wiz Khalifa concert in Boston.
This is Weediculous
His apprehension had nothing to do with farming, and everything to do with meeting someone new. He was about to participate in an event called weed dating, a meet-up for single farmers looking for a date or a mate.
Weed dating is a variation on speed dating, in which participants meet in pairs for a few minutes, typically in a bar or restaurant, and then move on to another rapid pairing. It was the brainchild of Jean and Wendy Palthey, who have farmed in Tunbridge for 18 years.
"We have this one young guy who works for us," Jean Palthey says, "and he's single and lives in Chelsea, and we were joking that there are not a lot of young, single people around here, so we came up with this idea."
Much weeding but no weddings yet
Weed dating takes place on farms among rows of sprouting produce. Participants weed a row with a potential romantic interest, then move on to another row and another partner. At the end of the day, some people might have cultivated a mutual interest — and no matter, the field is freshly weeded.
Weed the rest Here http://www.usatoday.com/life/lifestyle/2010-10-04-weeddating04_ST_N.htm?loc=interstitialskip
By the sounds of it, the only thing he will be whacking at is himself after this date. Besides everyone knows weeding is womens work, so I cant really see this working at all. Even if it did its still not anything like speed dating. You cant just set an alarm on your phone and say you have a family emergency to get out of it. I mean, your weed dating, theres no way in hell you have any family or friends at that point. You could get stuck there for an hour with some bitch talking about how she has sex with horses or something. I mean jesus, you cant even lie about where you work and make yourself sound better. Sounds like weed dating is pretty Weetaded...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Parenting 101
Sebeka Police Chief Eric Swenson, who lives in Otter Tail County near Sebeka, called law enforcement on Friday to report that several items of police equipment had been stolen from his home, according to the Otter Tail Sheriff’s Department.
Police Chief calls law enforcement reporting that several items of police equipment were stolen from his house. Only to find them a few days later in his kids homemade fort in the backyard: "Among the items were stun grenades, gas grenades, 25 gas shotgun rounds, loaded magazines for both a Glock 9 millimeter handgun and a AR-15 rifle, a police radio and a pair of night vision goggles."
Well its safe to say that Otter Tail County in Minnesota is fucked. How do you expect this guy to protect every citizen of the county from crime and danger, when he cant even protect his own kid. Its not like he's some run of the mill Paul Blart mall cop either, this guy is the Chief of Fucking Police! The article also fails to mention how old his kid is. Kid has a fort which has gotta make him around 8 or 9 right? I mean unless your my 20 year old grown man/roommate that has a fort. Well either way this kid is a sick bastard, he sounds like the second coming of the Trenchcoat Mafia. You know what they say, "Give a kid an inch, he'll take a mile, a couple grenades, and a shotgun." And America continues to crumble right in front of my very own eyes.
Worst Movie of the Week
Ok Ladies and Gentlemen last week Good Burger was the movie I shat on, but at least it was a good childhood movie. This movie, Jennifer's Body, might just be the worst movie ever created. First of all whoever wrote the dialog for this movie was probably a 50 year old petafile that jerks-off into peanut butter and jelly sandwiches before giving them to elementary school children. How do i know this? Here is an example of retarded dialog. At the end of the movie Megan Fox, Jennifer, gets stabbed in the chest and she says "Oh you stabbed my tit," and then just dies. What the FUCK is that? I mean come-on is that really the best line you got.
The only reason i even continued to watch this movie after the first 15 minutes was because of Megan Fox and how she just hooks up with that nerdy blonde girl (who is secretly smokin' hot).
And another thing that pisses me off is this is supposed to be a scary movie. There is nothing scary about one of the hottest fucking girls in the world hooking up with another hot girl. Idk who thought this was supposed to be scary. I think i had a hard-on the whole time I watched this. This movie would have been better off if it was a cheap shitty porn for married men to spank it too because they hate their lives.
Well that's all i have to say. See you cunts next time for the worst movie of the week,
A Nice Lady
K. Flay - 2 Weak
Monday, October 11, 2010
Kenny Powers is Back
If your and idiot like me and found a way to miss Season 2, episode 3 of Eastbound & Down worry no longer. Check it out here
Fat Kids Finish Last
Oh this tickles me in a spot, if Loretta tickled me there, "I'd say, oh yeah, mmm, I like me some of that." On a serious note, you know that fat kid at the beach, perhaps your fat therefore, funny friend, who wears his t-shirt at the beach. At first its like, yeah, I get it, sunburn. But then, when you grab your boogie boards to get your surf on, your big fatty fat platypose of a friend doesn't leave his Plain-White Tee at the turf! So naturally your like "Hey There Dililia, whats it like in underbelly city. Your pounds overweight, and right now you look so silly, yes you do." Ultimiately, you see his man tits through the shirt, so, just man up. If I was overweight, I'd love it. Whole new arsonal of jokes. I'd be the funniest man alive. Some people have all the luck. So either take off the shirt, or get your stomache stappled you God Damn Grilled Cheeze Burger Mouth eating fat mother, fat titties, titty-mother fuckers.
Mr Pregnant
We present to you the Internet Legend that is Mr. Pregnant. Somehow I've never seen or heard about this guy before. He's got over 600 videos uploaded on his youtube page. If you have the patience to wade through alot of these videos you will definately stumble upon a few gems trust me.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
There's About to Be a What? GIRLFIGHT!
I Remember My First Beer
Gotta applaud the effort here. This was a lose lose situation from the get go. You have two options here, either make it down and slam straight into the wall, or eat shit. He decided to eat shit. Either this kid needs to re-evalutate his friends, or this is orientation and he's just trying to fit in. Anyways just your typical college weekend. Hands down my favorite part is when Lance Armstrong's pseudofriend goes "Ohhhh you shattered my phone," um sorry man I'm the one who just shattered my vertebrate so suck a dick buddy.
Picture of my Nuts After Going Out Tonight
Friday, October 8, 2010
You Steal My Banana, I Pull Gun on You
Male Enhancement Underwear...."My Dick VIP, Your Shit Needs ID"
By Lisa Marsh
For centuries, women have had tools to enhance their natural, er, assets. Corsets, padded brassieres, silicone breast enhancers (aka “chicken cutlets”), girdles, shapewear, and even breast and butt implants have allowed women to practice the art of illusion — something men have mostly been excluded from.
"One design provides a 20 percent visual lift in back; the other a 38 percent visual enhancement in front."
What Really Chaps My Ass!
THIS IS WHAT REALLY CHAPS MY ASS! When i first looked at this picture I was like oh look at all that strawberry ice cream, but nope that is not what it is at all. That is what fucking fast food chicken looks like before it is breaded and cooked. Are you fucking kidding me fast food establishments! I would literally rather eat a poopy flavored lolly pop then even smell that gross pile of nothingness.
Do the people who make fast food nuggets really think that this is what customers really want to eat? I think NOT! And why the fuck is it pink? I for one will never be eating fast food nuggets ever again.
I am officially labeling eating fast food nuggets "Gayer than Coach Dick fucking a 10 pound blob of pizza dough!"
For everyone that makes this unhealthy, pink, ice-cream looking shit you can sit on my MONSTER fucking dong and rotate.
Fuck you,
A Nice Lady
White Panda is Fly Like a G6
For more check out http://www.thewhitepanda.com/ , shit tons of free downloads.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Vampires Stab Roommate to Drink his Blood
OWWWW. OWWWIEEE. OWWWWW
Well okay, I digress. If it looks like tuna, smells like tuna, its probably your exgirlfriend's smelly snatch. This bitch is a cunt. She goes all power crazy. She wants to be a bad-ass. She talked all fucking the month about getting a barbed wire heart on her back, and now she can't handle it. At 1:52, she gets served. Can I speak to the manager. I am the manager. Leave and enjoy you 1/8 finished tattoo that looks like a swastika you Nazi cunt.
Getting a Little Shut Eye
More Reason to Raw Dog It
Thousands of condoms clog Games village drains?
NEW DELHI (Reuters) – Thousands of flushed condoms threaten to choke the Commonwealth Games village's drainage system, media reports said, in the latest problem to hit the venue from hidden snakes to outbreaks of dengue.
Games organizers, who won a race against time to ready the village, are now battling to clear clogged drains after thousands of non-biodegradeable contraceptives were flushed down toilets in the first week of the event.
"If that is happening, it shows that there is use of condoms and I think that is a very positive story. Athletes are being responsible," Commonwealth Games Federation President Mike Fennell told a news conference Thursday.
"We all know that encouraging safe sex is a very important thing to do."
Read the rest here
P.S. What was that line they said about "hidden snakes" isnt that where the problem started, to many athletes hiding their snakes?
Massachusetts Woman Chucks Bag of Poop at Speeding Motorist
BELMONT, Mass. — A Massachusetts woman faces assault charges after Belmont police said she hit a motorist in the face with a bag of dog feces.
Sox not making the Playoffs...Moss gets traded...Thanks to this Warrior we still have plenty to be proud of if your from Massachusetts. I'm still not grasping how this all went down. So a lady hits a guy with a bag of dog shit while he's driving? Did she just throw on her PF flyers and sprint up next to this guys car. Knock on his car window til he rolled it down, then groove a 95mph shit-fingered fastball at his grill? I guess I'll just have to chalk this up as another one of life's many mysteries.
*She is reportedly being charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. Next time I go into sketchy areas of Boston I'm leaving my piece at home, I'll just shit my pants.
31 Year Old Ohio Woman/Justin Long Look-a-like Pretended to Be a Boy to Date a Teen Girl
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
I bet she goes to private school
Who Needs Dance Moves When You Can Just Rape Your Brother?
Birthday Party?
Ever make that little mistake of typing http://www.youtube,cin/ when trying to type in http://www.youtube.com/ ? Well if you haven't you've been missing out on this absolute diamond in the rough
In no way can I even begin to analyze, interpret, or grasp what is taking place in this video sooooo just let it happen
110m Desk Hurdles
Somehow this video has 1.6 million views and I have a strange feeling I account for about 1.3 million of them. This is one of those videos that on Mom and Dad's 25th Annivesary they decide to pull out the old VHS of their wedding just to reminisce only to find that little Chuckie taped over it with this display of pure athletic ability.
Chuck: "I'm about to attempt to jump this thing which is about two ft high, three actually."
Cameraman: "I'd say four."
Four feet? Are you fuckin drunk? If this thing is 4ft tall this video is ten times more impressive cause not too many 8'2" kids can walk, let alone hurdle shit like Marion Jones mid steroid cycle.
Chuck: "What do you think? Can I make it?"
Cameraman: "I think so!.............BOOOOOMMM!!!"
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Bear in the Bryant University Library!!!!
Is this Papa Lo? Regardless, Fan-fucking-tastic beat!
1) His hats are from the 5 dollars or less section of Olympia Sports.
2) His bling cost 50 cents which he purchased rightnext to the enter and exit doors of a Market Basket
3) He isn't using an iPhone, its really just an iTouch
4) Jean jacket from TJMax's 1992 accidental purchase from FUBU subdivision, 'Lil FUPAS'
5) Did I say Jean jacket?
6) His voice isn't even an accent, its a disability. I'm not hating, I think he actually has one.
7) The lyric "Let me pay the money so we can get in"
a. Thugs don't pay period
b. Thugs especially don't pay for woman
c. He continues to say, you can lay on my chest... Should be mowing his Mr. Happy.
8) The use of irrelevant Clip Art.
Goodbye forever Good Burger
Ok so Im sitting in the room bored as shit, a little buzzed, and i have no fucking idea what to do. So i start looking through Brownbears movie collection and I come across Good Burger. So im like holy fucking shit, this movie is the tits. I had it fixated that I could watch Good Burger for days. So i pop it in and get really excited, but after the first ten minutes I want to punt a football right into Kel Mitchell (Ed's) dick. This movie completely sucked my right nut. The only reason i even liked this movie at all was because Sinbad was in it.
I should have never watched this movie at the age of 20. It completely ruined on of my favorite child hood movies. For this I will never forgive myself.
For all my roomates reading this if I ever try to ruin another childhood movie again take a fucking Salmo butter knife to my throat.
FAST FOOD FRENZY
Its a bird...Its a plane...Its
Not even great American Antoine Dodson could pull off PSYCHE of this magnitude
Dating Video... Watch Out Ladies
Dating Montage
Uploaded by smithy00101. - See more comedy videos.
Check out the petafile at 3:18 "life is a playground and I want somebody to play with."
Yeah, if your "Playground" is literally is a playground, and you have some candy, im sure you will find somebody to play with. Maybe you'll even get famous like MJ...